Okay, so I’ve skipped a few days, I didn’t think every small detail of my struggle was worth documenting, or at least not worth documenting for anyone’s enjoyment, it would have just been a long list of complaints.
I’ll try and sum the past few days up. Day three was Friday and that was pretty bad but not because of my nicotine withdrawal which was good but simultaneously pretty awful. I’ve been getting these stabbing pains in my torso and me and my fella spent a portion of Thursday night awake with me in horrendous pain so this pretty much dominated day three. I positioned myself on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket like a tube and decided not to move much. This decision and not really wanting to due to pain definitely contributed to a lack of cravings. In addition I watched films and drew my valentine’s card which was nice. I watched Under the Skin which was shit and I would not recommend. I wouldn’t recommend the book either. After that attrocity I watched Pretty in Pink which is always guaranteed to make you feel better and no one really smokes. This is my next list venture; films in which there is not much smoking.
After day three apparently it’s meant to get easier; the first three days are the hardest, or so I’ve heard. Saturday I was in work and I’m a barmaid which therefore makes the no smoking this pretty horrendous. I tend to go for breaks because I smoke and I’m constantly surrounded by smokers. This I found pretty difficult, especially finishing after what turned out to be quite a busy shift and not enjoying a cigarette at the bus stop before I got home. Weird. But, I got through it and I’m still going strong, I’m so bloody proud of myself, honestly.
I’m not going to lie and say I’ve been an angel about it though. I’m pretty sure that Saturday morning would have seen me smash a few glasses if there had been some to hand and I went to work with a million things going through my head knowing that a cigarette would make everything better and having to settle for sodding softmints (they’re not really doing it for me anymore, I ate nearly a whole pack in Hobbycraft today, it’s becoming unhealthy). However, my valentine’s night was lovely and my boyfriend is extremely helpful and supportive with his regular ‘positive reinforcement’- I am very lucky.
We were chatting today about him quitting and reasons for stopping etc. and I thought I’d share the reasons why I’m doing it. Obviously, I’m trying to raise money for an amazing charity and I’m still on £85 so if you want to donate get going (!) but I’m also obviously partly doing it for myself. One, I literally cannot afford to keep up a habit like this, it is ridiculously expensive and I would never ever advise anyone to start! But also, I want to break the habit of not being completely in control of my own existence. I don’t want parts of my day to be dictated by the fact that I need to go outside and have a cigarette. I don’t want to start feeling irritated halfway through an exam or a film due to nicotine withdrawal. I basically don’t want to be reliant on something to get me through my day in a sane manner; I am perfectly capable of managing that myself.